This Bleeding Star [entries|friends|calendar] Julz [ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ] [ calendar | deadjournal calendar ]

My lungs have failed and they won't stop breathing. [30 Dec 2004|10:29am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Underoath-A boy brushed in red living in black and white ] My kitten died this morning. I'm kind of sad..Ok so i've been crying for like 3 hours. Shit is so fucking shitty right now. I need to get away from here, from you, from myself. 4 comments|post comment

The hastle of all the screaming fans. [15 Oct 2004|02:01pm] Last night was pretty awsome. I stayed the night at Alex's house, made up with his ex girlfriend Stacy. They went to sleep and I ended watching tv for a long time by myself. Then Andy and his friends came over and I hung out and drunk with them. Nothing like a good ol' Jagorbomb. They're so damn good. So nothing really happened after that. I went to bed at like almost 5 am and then I woke up. Andy had to be at work at 11 but he decided responsability really doens't matter when you're hung over, so he went in at 2. Now i'm here about to play me some Simpsons Road Rage. Fun ass game. 2 comments|post comment

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare. [14 Oct 2004|01:09am] Adam, Feel better kiddo. I'm going to come see you soon I promise. I heart you. 6 comments|post comment

Guess who's back..back again. [14 Oct 2004|12:56am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | something-lasco ] Okay, so I know I have been neglecting this journal for the longest time. Truth is, I miss it. So my life, it's been okay for the last few months. A lot of changes have been going on as well. For the best I think. I have a job working at Bono's on Lane Ave. Stop by if you want to see me. Do I recommend the food? Eh, I hate bbq so you can't ask me I guess. Boyfriend, don't have one. I'm kind of working on that area a little bit. There's this guy Steven who works with me. He's pretty damn cute, and a really nice dresser. We always play around and what not so I gave him my number yesterday. Go me. I really miss Shaun. At least I have his number now so we can talk when I need him. Things really suck without him here, and if he does get sent somewhere far. Boy i'm going to be flying a lot to go see him. Oh so I had this thing with Steven Meyers. Yea, what a total waste of time he was. But at least he's hot. It wasn't anything like big, but I guess it was fun for the time being. I moved back home from Brianna's a few weeks back, when I got my job. I should be buying a car in about three weeks. I have to make sure I have enough for a down payment and insurance and shit. I'm going tomorrow to look at a few with Nick. I've been spending the weekends with my ex Alex and his brother. It's so much fun over there at his house. We just hang out and drink or whatever. I made this new friend. Her name is Jeni, she's from England and she works with me. Man me and her are so much alike it's not even funny. I really love hanging out with her. Today before work I had John's truck (my manager that lives with me) and we went to Walmart and then to Alex's house. I love driving John's jeep it's fun. Shit who am I kidding I just love driving period. Then we went to work and bla, it sucked. But I got to hang out with Steven and we played around a lot so it turned out to be a good night. As soon as I get my car i'm going to Ga. to see Shauno. Man I can't even wait for that. Ashley might even go with me too. So yea, it should be fucking awsome. post comment

Farewell to the days you were within my reach [27 Aug 2004|04:13pm] Well hey! Miss me? Na of course you didn't. It's rather ok though, you see I don't miss myself all that much either. I think this "new" me is pretty fun, and exciting. I'm things I always wanted to do but couldn't. My life has kind of turned around and i've done what I always said I wanted to do; Move away, make new friends, keep some of the old ones worth keeping, and start over. I did just that. Perfect opportunuity that many people don't get to make. There's only two things i'm not happy about being away from home, I miss my brother and my mom believe it or not, and I missed my bestfriend's phone call. Shaun kid, I love you man I really do. You're my brother, my bestfriend, I can't wait to call you and be able to see you. I hope you're doing ok. We need you here. You are very much far from forgotten. Well people, that I don't talk to anymore really, I moved..my new number is 764-5422. We're having this massive party tomorrow, anyone and everyone is invited. If you want to come just call me. Hope people are doing good, I miss some of you. I'm really doing a lot better honestly. I'm happy finally where i'm at. oh yea, I kind of sorta have this thing with a guy. Fun. Call me. post comment

Farewell to the days you were within my reach. [06 Aug 2004|07:59pm] Farewell journal. I'm afraid I found someone else. No really, I made yet another journal. Not a Deadjournal either. But it's friends only. Kim Kass and Ash are the only ones who read it. So goodbye dear fans, I still have a Deadjournal. Just not this one. 4 comments|post comment

so much for my happy ending... [24 Jul 2004|05:50am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | my happy ending-avril ] for those of you who hate me, here let me give you something that you can throw in my face for the rest of my life. you know that little piece of heart that i had? nah of course you wouldnt know, no one ever does. well its gone. its dead. broken into a thousand more little pieces. me and brandon broke up tonight. so go on take all the humiliation you can get out of this situation and get ready to starting blowing it up in my face. im ready for it. im ready to just die. i fucking hate my life. i just lost the only thing i cared about. and i could care less whats next. 10 comments|post comment

lay your hand on me one last time [18 Jul 2004|05:50am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | so cold-breaking benjamin ] writing in here just plain sucks. but for those of you who loove to hear what goes on in my wonderful life, i shall keep on. we went and played pool last night..i went to put the little triangle rack thing up on the light where it belongs and i turned around to talk to shelly, right as i did that the fucking light fell and shattered. scared the shit out of me. it was funny though. it was one of those moments when everyone gets quiet and turns to stare at you. gahaha. then we went to see anchorman. stupidest fucking movie in the world. i refuse to pick the movie ever again. no more for me. kthnxbye. well anyways my dears..the night was great all in all. i enjoyed my time with brandon. time well spent. on to tonight...mark came over and we hung out..he dropped me off at shellys while he went and talked to his ex who he is going to go back out with or already is or something stupid like that. well we met up with brandon and nick..i made friends with him finally. i think it will help me and brandon out a lot. we would fight because i couldnt get along with his friends. but everything is ok now. so we went around looking for races and didnt find any. then dugan thought it would be a good idea to go offroading. genuis idea im telling you..so nick is in front of us with mark and shelly and dugan are leading..back in these woods. and all the sudden nick just stops and we pull off to the side of them and well dugans car is gone. like just fucking disappeared or something. i just happen to look down and see his tail lights in a fucking 30 foot ditch. thats right dears, this crazy mother fucker done drove off a cliff. i would have paid to see it. so after 2 attempts of trying to get him out with the tow ropes..we called a tow guy. this guy shows up in a huge fucking hummer with a wench and shit and gets it out in like minutes. then mark invites his girlfriend and her friend to watch this shit. and everyone got mad at him. but anyways..dugan had to pay 125 bucks for that tow shit. it was so damn funny. then we went to mcdonalds and fucking the lady didnt give me my fries. i was like look bitch i didnt my goddamn food..and she was arguing with me. fucking niggers i swear. >=/ me and brandon have been having problems but everything is ok now. no more said..stay out of it thanks ;D ♥julz 2 comments|post comment

nothing last forever and we both know hearts can change [17 Jul 2004|08:31pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | november rain-guns n' roses ] dear journal, I HATE YOU! i dont like writing in here anymore. this journal sucks ass. besides i cant how i really feel about things when all these people read it. im done for now. maybe ill update again. ♥julz post comment

[14 Jul 2004|05:35pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | a box of sharp objects-the used ] Last Person who.... ~ Slept in your bed – brandon ~ Saw you cry – gah, mark ~ Made you cry - brandon sadly. ~ Hurt you emotionally - brandon..he made me sad.. ~ Spent the night at your house - brandon ~ Held you close - brandon :D ~ Kissed you – ♥brandon♥ ~ You went to the movies with –brandon shelly and dugan ~ You went to the mall with – zack and my brother ~ Yelled at you - the grandma (i hate her) ~ Sent you an e-mail – uh total assalt team thing ~ Said "I love you" – my mommy :D ~ Asked you to stay the night – shelly i think? Ever been to... ~ Been to New York? – going in august ~ Been to Florida? - gah, i fucking hate this place. ~ Disney World/Land? – too many times ~ California?- i wish i wish =/ ~ Hawaii? – I fucking wish ~ Japan?- Negative..well maybe to buy a car. theyre cheap ~ Scotland? – why the fuck would i ~ New Zealand? – hm..nope Pick One... ~ Apples or bananas? - green apple ~ Red or blue? - Blue..baby blue ~ Walmart or Kmart? - walmart ~ Math or English? -English please ~ radio or CD? - CD i love cds ~ drawing or painting? - painting ~ Boys or Girls? - boys please, brandon thanks ~ High school or college?- gah, fuck school The Last Few Questions... ~ Last time you went out of the state? – april ~ Lucky number? - 8 - Favorite Animal? - white tiger ~ Things you like in a girl? – them being dead, ha! ~ Weirdest thing about you? - hm, im just weird in general. ~ What book are you reading now? – finishing high crimes ~ What's on your mouse pad? – its all ugly thanks to me drawing on it ~ Favorite board game? – Monopoly and clue :D ~ Favorite magazine? – seventeen and ym..and cosmo ~ Favorite sound? – my music ~ Worst feeling in the world? – Brandon being mad at me and being lied to, and about.. ~ What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? – brandon ~ Do you like scary or exciting roller coasters – they better be both ~ How many rings before you answer? – eh depends on where the phone is..i have to be able to find it ~ Future daughter's name?- uh kayla? i dont fucking know i dont want kids ~ Future son's name?- tyler? ~ Chocolate or vanilla? - vanilla ~ Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? - i sure do ~ What are you going to do after you finish this survey? – go to my room..its hot in here jesus christ ~ What was the last food you ate? – hm some chicken stripes ~ you bored? – yes the fuck i am, and mad ~ Last movie you saw?- saved..in theaters ~ What upsets you?- ignorance, brandon being mad at me..my mom ~ You have a secret you have not shared with anyone?- yes i do ~ You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no then id get confused ~ You bite your fingernails: all the time :X ~ You believe in love?- ..negative.. Who is...? ~ The weirdest person you know: adam kelley ~ The loudest person you know: kim ~ The meanest person you know: myself of course ~ Funniest person you know: brandon and shaun ~ Best dressed person you know?- matt and gilbert ~ The person you worry most about? – brandon.. ~ Your best friend: shelly ~ The person that knows the most about you: shelly and shaun, well brandon of course ~ Most boring teacher: dont have any thanks What is? ~ Your most overused phrase on IM: what the fuck ~ Last image/thought you go to sleep with: i wonder what brandon is doing..lol ~ Your best feature: gah, uh nothing my dears. ~ The first word the pops into your head when I say 'free': brad ~ Take a shower everyday: sometimes 2 ~ Think you've been in love: never ~ Want to get married: not so sure on that one guys ~ Have any tattoos/where?: want some soo bad. ~ Piercing/where?: Ears ~ Get along with your parents: dont know the dad..and uh my mom..lately we have been ok r e l a t i o n s h i p s ~ who are your best friends? – shelly and shaun ~ Have you ever had a crush?- duh. ~ do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? – the best one ever ;D ~ do you love him/her? - eh, i like him a super lot f a s h i o n | s t u f f ~ what are you most scared of?: spiders and loosing brandon ~ what are you listening to right now?: the used poetic tragedy ~ who is the last person that called you?: my aunt donna ~ where do you want to get married?: on the beach if i ever do ~ how many buddies are online right now?: 10 and 1 bitch f a v o u r i t e s ~ colour: pink, we arent fucking british its color ~ food: cherries ~ boys' name: tyler and ashton ~ girls' name: alyssa, kayla ~ animals: tigers..any kind of cat ~ sports: Soccer and football ~ movie: how to deal, 10 things i hate about you, donnie darko, slc punk, crazy beautiful, Butterfly Effect c u r r e n t clothes: shorts and the infamous hoobastank shirt music: the used make-up: havent worn any in days, ::gasp:: i know its a miracle smell: it smells like heat, is that possible? LOL favourite artist: no thanks favourite group: linkin park, hoobastank, the used, incubus, fucking so many desktop picture: my marolyn manroe one d o | y o u | e v e r save conversations: if its something i need to remember yea wish you were a member of the opposite sex: that would be fun for about a day. wish you were younger: hell fucking no cry because someone said something to you: more like the lack of them saying something f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s ~ could you live without your computer: i could, but i refuse ~ would you color your hair: i want black highlights ~ could you ever get off the computer? actually i could ~ habla espanol: gah, i know little spanish' ~ drink alcohol: yes indeed i do ~ like watching sunrises or sunsets: sunsets.. 2 comments|post comment

·*·well this time im not going to watch myself die·*· [14 Jul 2004|04:45pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | poetic tragedy-the used ] my aunt donna is the only one in the family who understands me. she knows someone has to provoke me before i just go off on someone. lieing about me is the worst thing you can do i swear. i fucking hate being lied about. my grandmother is a fucking cunt. i seriouslly hate her more than almost anyone. well besides that, ive been good. great actually. waiting for my dear boyfriend to come see me. hes getting everything for his jeep right now ;D im glad its getting fixed. im bored. ♥julz post comment

You take me everywhere that I've never been and Show me the meaning of what life had to give [14 Jul 2004|03:17am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | caroline-outkast ] i woke up at 6 today..i wish i could have went back to sleep. so after brandon left i kind of just sat around and watched tv for a while. i wish i could fucking go to work. im going to call them at 10 today and see if i can come in because im going to buy brandon a car battery. his poor jeep. gah, it makes me so mad but i laugh at it all the time. so we went to nicks and had him weld it back on for him until brandon gets the piece and then hes going to have to take it off and redo everything. so after we got done with that i had brandon go get some food..i bought him some taco bell ;D he sure does hate when i buy him things. too bad i dont care. but anyways..so we had to call mark and have him jump start his jeep because the battery is so fucked. so here i am. im going to sleep im tired. post comment

when you look you see right through me... [13 Jul 2004|06:27am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | wake up-lost prophets ] and as always everythin is better again. i finally went to sleep at like 6 last night. after being away since 1 the night before. bla. i need to stop not sleeping and shit. ohh im going to the doctors on uh weds. goood i need it. im pale and i look sick but im not. eh oh well. me and brandon are great again. thank god ;D post comment

and nothing else matters [11 Jul 2004|08:32pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | sweet child o' mine-guns and roses ] im not in a good mood today. i want to talk to kim, or shelly. someone needs to fucking talk to me before i go insane. nick (the friend) is coming to get me and were going out to eat. i just hope its within the next 15 minutes. i havent eaten in like forever and my stomach hurts. so matt chris gilbert dugan and shelly came over yesterday. it was really funny to watch gilbert see the porn i put in for him. and no it isnt mine. heeey anyone notice someones name missing from that nice long list of friends that came and seen me? yea brandon. hes mad at me as always. why do i even bother you ask? honestly i dont know. my mom told me to break up with him. she solves everything by just casting people aside and forgetting about them. maybe thats what she did to me. well im not about to be like her. i actually LIKE my boyfriend. when he doesnt hate me. =/ post comment

[10 Jul 2004|10:42am] hey go to my journal..like my site, dont just read it on your friends list thing..i made it all pretty post comment

do this too [10 Jul 2004|09:13am] [ mood | curious ] [ music | my happy ending-avril lavigne ] "Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your DJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your DJ) have to say." 4 comments|post comment

cause i feel so mad i feel so angry... [10 Jul 2004|08:42am] [ mood | curious ] [ music | i feel so-boxcar racer ] do you hate me? have you ever? are we good friends? wish i didnt act like i do? am i a heart breaker? have you ever lied to me? want to tell me something but cant? wish i was there for you? do this mother fuckers 3 comments|post comment

the boy who blocked his own shot [09 Jul 2004|11:41pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | the who blocked his own shot-brand new ] "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. anyone have the brand new cd? anyone care to buy it for me? ok so i'll settle for a burn copy. not preffered but will do. i got bit by a spider. im like the fucking poster-kid for being bit by these mother fuckers. and they do it when i sleep. little pussies. well anyways, nothing happened today. i cleaned my room, the kitchen, everything. why? because im a neat freak who hates being bored. why am i not with brandon you ask? hes playing with his friends. one of which just so happens to be the fucking antichrist. wait thats me? the ex is with him and hes very much so repulsive and i hope he contracts some type of disease that isnt cureable. i think im going..uh im going to read some more lyrics. because thats what i do when im online. enjoy your life of fallacy, its all the same around here in this forsaken town. post comment

something happens and im head over heels [09 Jul 2004|06:58am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | pieces of me-ashlee simpson ] worked for an hour yesterday i like everyone who works there, especially this kid named travis, or skater boy as i call him. hes a cool kid. one of the managers gives me dirty looks, they say dont take it personal he's just and asshole. theres one in every bunch eh? im glad me and kim are friends again im glad i have the best times with my boyfriend im glad shelly is back home from wherever she went im glad me and matt are still close like before im glad me and nick are able to be friends again im glad i like my job im glad tara has someone she loves... ok enough of this im glad shit. everything is good. i dont want anything to change right now. im so happy with how my life is at this very moment. 2 comments|post comment

wake up call mother fuckers. [07 Jul 2004|10:45am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | time is running out-muse ] jesus christ im tired. havent been to sleep yet. and i cant go to sleep for a loong time. so wish me luck i leave for my job thingy, in about 5 minutes. or whenever my dear friend matt gets here. shelly when you get home. call me please! ill see if i cant come get you because we need to hang out god damnit. well i have to finish getting ready. things to do. later kids. i want to sleeeeep soooo bad! ;[ bla hes here. later guys post comment

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